:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She even gives head with a lisp.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
