u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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