they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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