He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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