So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
