so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
