I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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