i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
