She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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