Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
