she woke up with a sticky ear
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
