i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
