Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
