She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
