i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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