I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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