Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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