Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
