the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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