omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
