He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
