The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
