Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
