Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
