jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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