My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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