oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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