I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize