the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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