Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
