The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
