You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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