I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
