If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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