the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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