the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
