i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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