sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
