She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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