It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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