I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
