Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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