they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
