the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
