why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
