Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
