hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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