and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
