So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
