I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
