You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
