I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
