I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
