I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
