What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
