Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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