the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
