Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
