whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
