thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
