you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
