just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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