how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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