I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
