So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
