And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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