im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
