He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
